Sunday, April 29, 2007
for posterity
We went to the park last night to swing. After convincing Mandy that we need at least one of us to face each direction on the seats so we wouldn't be caught by surprise and molested, we told each other stories. I'll probably have a hard time remembering all the details, but here they are.
Sara went first:
Once upon a time, there was a pea named Gene who was the prime minister of his land. He felt himself to be superior to the other Pealanders, so he didn't have many friends and was lonely. Since this is a fairy tale, Gene decided to go on a quest to find a wife. He traveled for awhile and came upon a carrot. Gene was not homosexual, so decided to keep going, but for some reason the carrot covertly followed him on the rest of his journey. Then Gene got to Asparagusland and was just in time for a bull-riding contest to win the hand of the princess! Unfortunately Gene, being a pea, had no hands or arms or legs or any other useful body part to help him stay on a bull for 8 seconds. At this point the carrot emerges and offers to magically conjure hands for Gene in exchange for Jean's prime minister position. Gene refused and decided to continue his travelling until a solution presented itself. He arrived at the ocean and met the Sea King. The Sea King didn't know how to help Gene, but instead referred Gene to Ursula. Unlike the vindictive, manipulative, Disney Ursula, this one wasn't as powerful and simply granted Gene's wish without requiring a sacrifice of his voice or soul or anything else. Newly equipped with the necessary appendages to ride a bull, Gene returned to to Asparagusland just in time to make the registration deadline for the contest. Gene won the bull-riding contest! In the midst of his celebratory revelry, however, the Asparagus King decided that a pea (regardless of how many hands he has) has no business marrying asparagus royalty. Grief-stricken, the Aspargus Princess and Gene pleaded their cause with the utmost sincereity and eloquence. The Aspargus King, being the vindictive, manipulative king he was (similar to Disney's Ursula), agreed to allow the union in exchange for Gene's soul. Yes, this king was willing to make his daughter's husband soulless in order to gain power. Well, poor Gene felt that he couldn't give up now, not after having come so far, so he reluctantly agreed. Once the Asparagus Princess and Gene were married, however, she decided that it sucked being married to a soulless man. She gathered up a crowd of asparaguslanders to storm the castle and retrieve Gene's soul. They murdered and ate the king, according to Asparagusland's caniballistic customs. After their success, the happy couple moved back to Pealand to have many asparagus-pea children and live in peace. Unfortunately, the carrot returned and demanded that they give him their firstborn child or he would kill all of the other children. At this news, all of the Asparaguslanders and Pealanders joined forces to kill the carrot and end his evil shenanigans once and for all.
my story:
After circling the sun for many many years, the Earth grew weary of its role in the universe, especially since Mars lost its own indigenous populations millions of years ago. It is lonely being the only planet in a solar system with any civilations to talk about. The Earth decided it would go and find other planets with which it would have more in common. Unfortunately, it forgot to take into account that once it slightly deviated from its prescribed course, all of its life forms would die. Nevertheless, now that the Earth was a barren planet, there was even less to tie it down, so it decided to continue with its journey. As it left the solar system, it ran into Pluto who was being ridiculed and ostracized because of its recent demotion from planethood. The two decided to ditch this solar system and travel off together. They traveled for a long time through the universe until they were sucked into a black hole and squashed into tiny little particles! Since it was black, there was no way for them to see it before it was too late. Black holes capture light, but fortunately sound waves can still escape. Knowing this, the Earth yelled out a distress signal. The moon, who had been horribly overlooked and left behind, was still loitering around the old solar system and heard its old friend the Earth. Rushing to the rescue, the moon sped throughout the galaxy. Once it realized, however, that the Earth and Pluto were in a black hole, it approached cautiously so as not to be sucked up. The moon eventually decided to abandom them to their fate and have its own adventures instead. As it travlled through the universe, it met a comet. They decided to travel together, but the comet was going too fast for the moon. They decided to compromise speeds, so the moon travelled a bit faster and the comet travelled a bit slower, and all was well. Their egalitarian relationship should be a model to us all. They travelled for a very very long time until they reached the end of the universe and ran into a big wall. They could go no farther, so they rested and played cards instead.
After a couple false starts, Mandy finally told her story (surprisingly, it wasn't about brothels):
There was a ducked named Quaid (I think that was his name, but I'm using it anyway) who was on a farm. Quaid was wandering around the grounds one day when a laser shot at him from a bush. He was confused and frightened, and only more confused and frightened when a little green man emerged from the foliage. "We've been looking for you for ages!" the little green man said. Apparently Quaid was the long-lost king of some Jeebie Jabba galaxy about 20 thousand light years away. In that civilzation, the king doesn't subject his people to new scientific experiments, but allows them to be tested on himself. In this case, the king was turned into a duck and transplanted to Farmer Bob's farm on Earth. He also had amnesia until the little green man reminded him of what actually transpired. Unfortunately, the little green man's spaceship had crashed on Earth and now they couldn't go home. For some reason, the little green man lasered all the farm animals (maybe he was really hungry?). After gorging themselves on steak and chicken, Quaid felt sick. On his home planet, it is usual for the citizens to eat a lot of steak and chicken (well, their own versions which had lasers coming out of the ears), but a Earthling duck can't digest that much meat very well. Farmer Bob came out and saw all the bones from his dead animals. Quaid and the little green man were the only ones left alive and Farmer Bob eyed them very suspiciously. I don't remember what happened next, except that they probably killed Farmer Bob and they somehow solved their earlier transportation problem and made it back to Quaid's home planet. In his absence of a great number of years, his people had replaced him with a new king. It didn't really matter that much, however, because by then Quaid was very old and died soon after returning home. The ending is happy, though, because he was given a proper Jeebie Jabba funeral.
Sara went first:
Once upon a time, there was a pea named Gene who was the prime minister of his land. He felt himself to be superior to the other Pealanders, so he didn't have many friends and was lonely. Since this is a fairy tale, Gene decided to go on a quest to find a wife. He traveled for awhile and came upon a carrot. Gene was not homosexual, so decided to keep going, but for some reason the carrot covertly followed him on the rest of his journey. Then Gene got to Asparagusland and was just in time for a bull-riding contest to win the hand of the princess! Unfortunately Gene, being a pea, had no hands or arms or legs or any other useful body part to help him stay on a bull for 8 seconds. At this point the carrot emerges and offers to magically conjure hands for Gene in exchange for Jean's prime minister position. Gene refused and decided to continue his travelling until a solution presented itself. He arrived at the ocean and met the Sea King. The Sea King didn't know how to help Gene, but instead referred Gene to Ursula. Unlike the vindictive, manipulative, Disney Ursula, this one wasn't as powerful and simply granted Gene's wish without requiring a sacrifice of his voice or soul or anything else. Newly equipped with the necessary appendages to ride a bull, Gene returned to to Asparagusland just in time to make the registration deadline for the contest. Gene won the bull-riding contest! In the midst of his celebratory revelry, however, the Asparagus King decided that a pea (regardless of how many hands he has) has no business marrying asparagus royalty. Grief-stricken, the Aspargus Princess and Gene pleaded their cause with the utmost sincereity and eloquence. The Aspargus King, being the vindictive, manipulative king he was (similar to Disney's Ursula), agreed to allow the union in exchange for Gene's soul. Yes, this king was willing to make his daughter's husband soulless in order to gain power. Well, poor Gene felt that he couldn't give up now, not after having come so far, so he reluctantly agreed. Once the Asparagus Princess and Gene were married, however, she decided that it sucked being married to a soulless man. She gathered up a crowd of asparaguslanders to storm the castle and retrieve Gene's soul. They murdered and ate the king, according to Asparagusland's caniballistic customs. After their success, the happy couple moved back to Pealand to have many asparagus-pea children and live in peace. Unfortunately, the carrot returned and demanded that they give him their firstborn child or he would kill all of the other children. At this news, all of the Asparaguslanders and Pealanders joined forces to kill the carrot and end his evil shenanigans once and for all.
my story:
After circling the sun for many many years, the Earth grew weary of its role in the universe, especially since Mars lost its own indigenous populations millions of years ago. It is lonely being the only planet in a solar system with any civilations to talk about. The Earth decided it would go and find other planets with which it would have more in common. Unfortunately, it forgot to take into account that once it slightly deviated from its prescribed course, all of its life forms would die. Nevertheless, now that the Earth was a barren planet, there was even less to tie it down, so it decided to continue with its journey. As it left the solar system, it ran into Pluto who was being ridiculed and ostracized because of its recent demotion from planethood. The two decided to ditch this solar system and travel off together. They traveled for a long time through the universe until they were sucked into a black hole and squashed into tiny little particles! Since it was black, there was no way for them to see it before it was too late. Black holes capture light, but fortunately sound waves can still escape. Knowing this, the Earth yelled out a distress signal. The moon, who had been horribly overlooked and left behind, was still loitering around the old solar system and heard its old friend the Earth. Rushing to the rescue, the moon sped throughout the galaxy. Once it realized, however, that the Earth and Pluto were in a black hole, it approached cautiously so as not to be sucked up. The moon eventually decided to abandom them to their fate and have its own adventures instead. As it travlled through the universe, it met a comet. They decided to travel together, but the comet was going too fast for the moon. They decided to compromise speeds, so the moon travelled a bit faster and the comet travelled a bit slower, and all was well. Their egalitarian relationship should be a model to us all. They travelled for a very very long time until they reached the end of the universe and ran into a big wall. They could go no farther, so they rested and played cards instead.
After a couple false starts, Mandy finally told her story (surprisingly, it wasn't about brothels):
There was a ducked named Quaid (I think that was his name, but I'm using it anyway) who was on a farm. Quaid was wandering around the grounds one day when a laser shot at him from a bush. He was confused and frightened, and only more confused and frightened when a little green man emerged from the foliage. "We've been looking for you for ages!" the little green man said. Apparently Quaid was the long-lost king of some Jeebie Jabba galaxy about 20 thousand light years away. In that civilzation, the king doesn't subject his people to new scientific experiments, but allows them to be tested on himself. In this case, the king was turned into a duck and transplanted to Farmer Bob's farm on Earth. He also had amnesia until the little green man reminded him of what actually transpired. Unfortunately, the little green man's spaceship had crashed on Earth and now they couldn't go home. For some reason, the little green man lasered all the farm animals (maybe he was really hungry?). After gorging themselves on steak and chicken, Quaid felt sick. On his home planet, it is usual for the citizens to eat a lot of steak and chicken (well, their own versions which had lasers coming out of the ears), but a Earthling duck can't digest that much meat very well. Farmer Bob came out and saw all the bones from his dead animals. Quaid and the little green man were the only ones left alive and Farmer Bob eyed them very suspiciously. I don't remember what happened next, except that they probably killed Farmer Bob and they somehow solved their earlier transportation problem and made it back to Quaid's home planet. In his absence of a great number of years, his people had replaced him with a new king. It didn't really matter that much, however, because by then Quaid was very old and died soon after returning home. The ending is happy, though, because he was given a proper Jeebie Jabba funeral.
# posted by Anna : 4:32 PM
