The Bliss of Ms. Blossom

I had a horrible dream a few nights ago. I arrived in Penn State only to find that I needed to pass a swimming class before they would let me officially enroll in grad school. All of us were spread out in a huge pool and made to go through various drills. There I was, standing in chest-level water wearing a ill-fitting minidress that kept coming apart at the seams. As we were finishing up, we were informed that the class was going to cost us $17,000. Fuck. I decided to go back to Texas.

This probably stemmed from the fact that I'm sure everyone there thinks I'm an idiot now. While signing up for seminars, I noticed a really cool one about French decadence at the turn of the century. The course was billed as interdisciplinary, so even though it was through the French department, I automatically assumed that it was taught in English. The profs were really supportive and offered to do all of the paperwork and get it approved before the grad studies committee for me. THEN it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, I should quickly double-check any sort of language requirment. Sure enough, I'm a moron. The readings are all going to be in French, and although I'm okay at the language, I'm not going to be able to fuckin' understand a philosophical text written in French. Sigh.

On a somewhat brighter note, my parents traded in (H)Ellen for a newer green car. As of now, she has no name, but I'm considering Edwina. Why Edwina? Well, I was watching Hold the Dream, the continuation of a staggeringly long story about Emma Harte and her family. One of her daughters is Edwina, and she's a total bitch. I feel for her, though, because her name is absolutely awful, and for some reason this compells me to immortalize her.

To be honest, I miss my old car. Granted, I realize I become ridiculously attached to inanimate objects, but she was the only car I ever had, and I still remember how ecstatic I was when I found her in our carport 6 years ago. Hopefully someone nice gets her and never ever plays John Mayer through her almost blown out speakers. Maybe I can get visitation rights?

Driving back to Alaska (see what I said about ridiculous attachments? I named my friggin' apartment!), I noticed a ladybug flying around in the car. This must be a good omen since, if I remember correctly, ladybugs are supposed to be good luck. In Under the Tuscan Sun, they are connected to sex. Crystal took one look at my new car and said that it had a good-sized backseat.

(Note: I stand by my story about a ladybug biting me in the 9th grade. I still have the red dot on my hand.)

Speaking of Alaska, I miss Sara. Hopefully a trip to New Mexico is in the cards this summer, because Pennsylvania is very far away.

Last week I was standing in the yard with Dad, when some more fighting birds showed up. I pointed them out to him, only to have him explain that no, we aren't going to be stuck in a Hitchcock movie, and that the birds are mating.

Sara and I went to the drive-in last week to see Shrek the Third (which I enjoyed) and Next (which was beyond horrible). I had never been before, but would now recommend that everyone go at least once. I got to eat nachos and drink tea. Here are two observations that I made while at the drive-in, although they are not directly drive-in related:

1. In Shrek, there is a scene in a tavern where someone is singing Charlene's song I've Never Been to Me. Cah-razee.

2. Jess was right, our Anthro Folklore prof works at the snack register. Her hair is longer now.

Over the past year, birds have become a new interest of mine. I painted a purple one and it hangs on my wall. We have a spotted ceramic pigeon that sits on top of the television. Our shalt shakers (yes, plural) are two big-eyed owls that I found at an estate sale. I think my next tattoo will either be a dove or an owl.

Still, birds have been a little odd lately. I'm worried that I'm in Hitchcock's story and that we will have to hide out behind reinforced doors until our food supplies dwindle enough to force us to brave the open air.

At my parents' house the other day, two birds were fighting in our lawn. A little one was hopping around on the ground, while the larger one was flying a few feet off the ground and trying to gouge it with its beak. For some vague reason, it really creeped me out. My mom and brother shooed them away.

I was stopped at a red light in my car a day or two later, and I looked out my window to see a bird hovering outside of my window. It kept on moving in these frantic, agressive jerks and seemed to be trying to attack me through my window. As a testament to the cleanliness of my car (go ahead, laugh), at one point I jumped and dived to the side because I thought for a second that my window was down and that I was about to be a victim of a killer bird attack. After regaining my composure, I looked around, and it seemed like there were a few birds that were having some sort of aerial rumble on all sides of my car. Nobody else seemed to notice or care.

Just a second ago, there was a bird perched on a stop sign, puffing its chest and looking downright menacing. I'm probably not being fair, because a week ago I might have just thought she looked cute.

Maybe next week.

What is wrong with work? It has been acting strange.

Crystal: Do you like deviled eggs?
Anna: Yeah, they're good.
Crystal: Rusty and I love it.
Anna: Oh yeah?
Crystal: That's what our family has once a week.
Anna: Well, I like them a lot, but apparently nowhere near as much as you guys.
Crystal: Really? The beer is cheap.
Anna: Wait, what are you talking about?
Crystal: Double Dave's.

I walked in today and saw a black gift bag with Congrats Grad written in silver. Inside, there were Texas Tech salt and pepper shakers. In all seriousness, these are freakin' cool. I have some that are little white owls, so now I have a mini-collection. The weird part was when I realized there was also a silver cross with God Bless Texas Tech engraved on it. A Double T was at the intersection where Jesus would theoretically have been.

A few thoughts:

1. Even for a religious person, this seems like a weird gift. It looks like Jesus has been replaced with Tech. Isn't it blasphemous to pray to a university?

2. I have worked there for a little over three years. After all that time, who would still assume I was Christian?

I finished Eats Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss, and James Thurber was mentioned many times. Just like here and here.

On The Colbert Report last week, the singer Charlene was mentioned. I can't remember the precise context, but it was during The Word. Sara didn't recall when I played I've Never Been to Me for her last semester, so I had to remind her by playing it again.